My father should have slapped me that hard. That was the only thing which came to my mind; the moment I got slapped by my husband. I thought we were two equal individuals in this relationship, but his manly ego refused to answer my questions about his female colleague.
Coming home from my college, some boys were following me constantly. Initially I ignored them but they were intensely irritating and annoying, so one day, I refused to let them annoy me anymore. I stopped on the way and let them approach me. The moment the motorbike came near me, I smiled and let them gain some confidence and the moment they came near me, I slapped the guy on his face and started to shout. The shouts were heard and people nearby came and started beating the guys. One of my cousins was passing by and stopped and saw everything. He accompanied me to home and narrated the story to my father in exact manner. I was thinking that my father would be proud of me and would feel honored about me, but he stood silent.
I normally returned to my college and some days later I had a few guests at my place. I realized they came to see me for my ‘rishta’. I was surprised. Like why? I had yet to become an independent woman. I have my professional career to follow and establish myself as someone known for her skills.
My mother’s response was disturbingly unjust. She said, my father is highly tensed from the day I slapped the hooligans. He is under intense stress and is taking medicine to be normal. I was made to feel that it’s my mistake. I was told that my dreams don’t matter. I was told that I’m a liability that needs to be settled or given to someone else. I am a shame and I am responsible for the act of the hooligans for a very basic reason that I happen to be a girl.
I refused the ‘rishta’ but my nani, my aunties all came running towards me teaching, that you won’t get better ‘rishtas’ in life as you grow up. Do you wish to bring shame to your family? Do you want your father to have a heart attack because of you? I was highly discouraged for taking a stand once and was in no position to take it again, so I just gave up and surrendered and gave my so called “consent” for the ‘rishta’, as I couldn’t and wasn’t allowed to let my father feel that I was forced to accept the decision.
And here I was getting slapped. I just thought about the slap I hit that hooligan, that I shouldn’t have done that as it would have saved me from this. I have a request to all fathers, that do not tell your daughters a lie that you wish to see them as independent women of the future. Tell them that they shouldn’t take stand and have courage to speak for them. Make them feel guilty for their existence. As now I have no choice, I can’t accept this torturing relationship yet couldn’t leave him, as I feel completely dependent and yes, who would face the stress of my father, If I slap this not so gentleman known to be my husband. Though I can, but for what reason if I’m to be blamed? So, I have a suggestion; if you couldn’t stand by your daughter’s decisions, start slapping them hard, so that they don’t find it hard to adjust with their husband. #ShareToAware